la despedida

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I can’t believe that I am actually leaving. It finally hit me last night, and all I can do is cry. All of my lasts have arrived now: my last night out, my last time at the gym, my last burrito at Rincon Taurino, the last time I’ll hug my parents, my friends, see Oxy, so many lasts. Yet so many firsts.

The first time I will leave home alone without anyone I know. The first time I will get to live in another country. Another first time to meet another set of people who will change my life. The first time to make a difference outside of an academic environment. So many firsts.

I feel so grateful, so much gratitude for being given this opportunity. So many praises and thanks go to God for enabling this to happen. Just to imagine had things gone differently, or had I been sent to a different country.

I feel so loved and so supported by my friends, my family, my professors. All I can think about right now is the creed we would say in elementary school every morning:

this is the beginning of a new day 

i have been given this day to use as I will

i can waste it 

or i can use it for good 

what i do with this day is important because i am exchanging a day of my life for it 

when tomorrow is gone, this day will be gone forever 

leaving in its place something i have traded for it 

i want it to be gain, not loss 

good, not evil

success, not failure 

in order that i shall not regret the price that i paid for it. 

This is the first chapter of my life, where I am not in a structured environment. There’s no school system or even any resemblance of anything that I know awaiting for me. I am so scared to let down the people that have supported me, but I know I can do this because of their love and because of God’s love. I don’t want to waste this opportunity — I want to take the good with the bad, and serve with love, compassion, and be the best person I can be.

Last night, I felt so blessed — so lucky, so grateful that this is my life.  So grateful for my friends, who are there for me and have been there for years. To see my friends from church, middle school, high school, Oxy, and study abroad — to see them all there together, made me feel so happy that I have my own beloved community, and my friends are truly an extension of my family. I can only think about that Winnie the Pooh quote, “how lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” How lucky am I to be able to live out one of my lifelong dreams? How lucky am I to have been blessed with the support system that sustains me and gives me courage to face the unknown?

This post is kind of all over the place, but that’s how I honestly feel right now. As scary as it is to leave, I never want this feeling of being vulnerable and being open to new experiences to leave me.

Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto. 

With arms wide open, I await my new journey.

Until then….LAGRIMAS 😥

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